Breaking Up Wasn't That Hard to Do

It's what comes after that's so annoying...

When it rains, it pours and sometimes hails.  Murphy and his Law.  Salt in an already open wound with a lemon slice for a garnish.  Kick me while I'm down and probably sleeping.  Any of the for mentioned phrases can apply to where I am in this particular stage of my life.

The thing is, I really am fine.  Maybe I'm looking for a tragedy because the victim is a part I play so well.  I let our ship sail long ago.  I don't want the ship back.  But, I don't want to know anything about your better or worse.  Will I be a cautionary tail about relationships gone wrong between you and what use to be our friends?  Truth be told, I groomed you.  The forever bachelor you titled yourself years ago was shattered by me.  I did the dirty work so she could buy you both matching sweaters and a Lab with some human name like Jack or Sarah.  We said we would always be friends until one day we weren't.  No need to thank me.
 

You're welcome,
Heather Granger

And you call yourself a blogger...

Nope.  Actually, I don't.  However, I have been neglecting the blog scene ever since it occurred to me that nobody will ever read my shit.  It's all good though because where else can I write exactly what I think without judgment?  Here's a quick update to my one loyal follower...hi mom.  I'm still single (shocking, I know), I still drink like a fish-sometimes a whale, and I still leave myself in the most compromising of positions.  Case in point...#1,786th unsuccessful one night stand.  No, he wasn't a stranger off the street and yes, we were safe.  That aside, good gravy!  Was I ever going to get this guy at of my apartment the following morning?

First, he took a shower and managed to disorganize all my soaps, shampoos and bubble baths.  Then, he left ample proof that he had rummaged through my drawers, which is kind of okay, because let's face it, I would do the same.  But then he did the ultimate crime of hygiene and (insert massive gasp), used my toothbrush.  I mean "HELLO?" - why not try the big bottle of Scope sitting next to the toothbrush?  We may have made out last night, but I'm not down with sharing your plaque.  So then, in a desperate attempt to get him off my couch and out of my living room, we go to lunch.  I sit through an hour of hearing why he is so awesome and how I could really step up my fashion sense before the dreaded check arrives.  I pick it up without hesitation because, let's get serious...is my time really worth being spent on the coy cliche of "are we going dutch or are you going to man up with the cash"?  With little objection from him, I pay the $70 and drive him (yes, that's right...I drove too) right back to the very car door he stepped out of when arriving at my house a full 24 hours earlier.  I then come upstairs to cleanse the filthiness of my ways right out of my precious apartment when there it is.  His lunch box.  Yes, he brought a lunch box of snacks in case my fridge was lacking, which was a safe assumption.  So, not only did he eat up my entire Sunday with his judgmental arrogance, but he had successfully secured a reason to return to my personal sanctuary.

Exhibit A

Severly annoyed, slightly broke and apparently in need of a new wardrobe...
Heather Granger

Life Observations from my Mama

We stole this list from someone really funny!

1. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.
2. There is great need for a sarcasm font.
3. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?
4. Was learning cursive really necessary?
5. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on #5.  I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood
6. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the Person died.
7. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired.
8. Bad decisions make good stories.
9. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.
10. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection......again.
11. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to.
12. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello?), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voice mail.   What did you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away?
13. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste.
14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.
15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.
16. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option
17. I would rather try to carry 10 plastic grocery bags in each hand than take 2 trips to bring my groceries in.
18. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?
19. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front.  Stay strong, brothers and sisters!
20. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.
21. As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
22. Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                       Shine on! XO - Heather Granger

Should I stay or should I go?

Today, a dear friend of mine was faced with this question and is still contemplating her next move.  Quick rundown: she is intelligent, a college grad with street smarts, and easy on the eyes would be an understatement.

I recently read in an article that, "When Wall Street sneezes, the United States gets a cold, and the world catches Pneumonia."  So, in an economy that appears to have an incurable case of whatever the newest wide spread epidemic is (which has yet to rear its ugly head), should we choose happiness over work?  The verdict is still out, but it seems as though the females are saying "follow your heart" and the males are saying "It's a job, just do it."

This is probably the hardest question a girl in her mid 20's can be faced with, professionally speaking.  Keep in mind, she has no children and is not married-so her only obligation is to herself.  In my opinion, this gives a person the right to throw caution to the wind and risk it all. However, playing devil's advocate here, what if by leaving this new, high profile position throws her off the path of success she has worked so hard to get herself on?  It's definitely a case of "sliding doors" that can leave a person with a heavy dose of the "what if's."

What would you do: Stick out the highly demanding job that could or could not lead to happiness or go back to an industry of the familiar that promises the time to live your life in the freedom you have grown accustom to?

Infinite love from a friend who supports you no matter what!

Heather Granger

The Blind Side

I'm watching HBO on this fine Saturday night and what do I stumble on?  If you guess, you get a free latte!  Not really...but have you seen this movie?  If not, you might be the last person on earth.  I dare you to watch it or read the book and not be inspired.  Not only is the lead actress (Sandra Bullock) one of the most admirable actresses in Hollywood, but the storyline is exceptional.  Why this movie got 3 out 4 stars is beyond me.  By definition a Blind Side is the side on which your vision is limited or obstructed.  We all have one, metaphorically speaking.  I have decided mine is myself.

The real deal.

What's your Blind Side?

Much love (no matter what),

Heather Granger

My First Blog

Riveting title, I know.  I'm finally sitting down to write about all the things bouncing around in my head.  Everyone thinks what they have to say is important and I'm no different.  I'm totally cool if only my mom chooses to read my blogs.

If you're still reading this, then you should know I plan to write about some really exciting stuff.  Some of it funny, some of it serious.  Before reading one of my entries, read the title.  If it doesn't grab your attention, then there's no reason to continue.  Don't get mad at me if you end up reading something and thinking, "Why did I just waste my time reading that?"  The truth is, I have strong opinions and sometimes my reasons to support them are weak.  But, it's my blog and I'll write it if I want to.  There, I said it (typed it-whatever).  So, get pumped for some juicy commentary and feel free to voice your opinion.  I want to hear what you have to say!

He's excited!

Smile (really, do it right now),
Heather Granger